he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
