I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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