I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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