All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
