PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
