His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
