He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
