i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
