im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
