We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
