K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
