We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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