So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
