I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
