You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to sanitize my soul.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
