I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
