i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
