wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
