I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
