I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
should my penis look like a turkey
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
