I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
