Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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