I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
