I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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