there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
