he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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