Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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