I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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