i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
