The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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