you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
