dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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