i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
