There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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