it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love accidental penises.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
