I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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