Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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