Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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