I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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