We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Barsexuality is the new black.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
