my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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