sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize