white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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