oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
