he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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