your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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