I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
