So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
