Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
