i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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