just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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