I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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