It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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