6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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