Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize