Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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