He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
