I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
