Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
