How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
