We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
