God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
