Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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