hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
