I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
