his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
