I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
pop tarts are not kleenex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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